So, I'm making this photo display for a friend of mine. He sends me the photos, I print them out on expensive photo paper, but Deskjets leave lines where the printheads scan, so I take the photos on a thumbdrive into OfficeDepot where they have professional-quality printers.
Okay, I've got got quality photos.
I have an old picture frame I want to re-use, but OfficeDepot doesn't do picture framing. I need a custom matte cut so I can display four photos in the frame. I ask where the nearest framing shop is.
They suggest trying Hobby Lobby across the parking lot.
Generally I avoid Hobby Lobby because of the founder's fucked up xtian politics, but this is convenient so I say what the hell. Turns out they have a full-feature frame shop in the back of the store. They fucked up my order, but that's another story.
On the way to pay for my new collage I notice a bookshelf, with some xtian books for sale. One is "Jesus Politics: How To Win Back The Soul of America" by Phil Robertson. He's some kind of redneck hillbilly who had a reality TV show. I knew approximately who he was, but I bought the book anyway. Broaden my horizons, that sort of thing.
The book is an amazing collage all by itself, contradicting itself on every other page. His main argument is that if everyone followed Jesus, we wouldn't need government at all. Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, atheists... all just need to be taught Jesus in school.
Because, like, FREEDOM.
He says the gubmint doesn't know how to spend his money better than he does....
Because, like, FREEDOM.
He says immoral wimmin can't be allowed to get abortions....
Because, like, FREEDOM.
He says loyal patriots must be allowed to buy AK-47 military assault weapons...
Because, like, FREEDOM.
He says there should be no welfare for the lazy...
Because, like, FREEDOM.
He says there should be no Obamacare...
Because, like, FREEDOM.
He says there should be no same-sex marriage...
Because, like, FREEDOM.
Like every xtian he picks and chooses which verses in the bible to follow. All in favor of love and forgiveness... except when it comes to same-sex couples. All in favor of charity and community spirit... except when it comes to paying taxes. And the parts about "biblical justice," with all the stonings and cutting off of hands... well, that's just inconvenient. We'll have to pretend that part of the Word of God doesn't exist.
Every one of these abortion opponents should be asked if they're willing to take in the unwanted children and raise them to adulthood. Because -- if they're not -- what gives them the right to force someone else to do it?
There are howlers on almost every page:
- Phil Robertson wrote:
- Consider how God created gasoline for our cars, how he [note: lower case] allows us to use it for our transportation. Consider how gasoline has been used to spread the gospel. [Shades of Kirk Cameron's banana!]
Two pages earlier:
- Phil Robertson wrote:
- After the Green New Deal was proposed, the media discovered Ocasio-Cortez didn't seem to care too much about the environmental impact of her campaign. Her staffers ran up miles on their cars, even though there was a train station just a few feet from her office in Queens. There were over a thousand car-service miles attributed to her campaign.[emphasis added. Who paid for the railroad tracks, Phil? Oh yeah, TAXPAYERS.]
- Phil Robertson wrote:
- Dont be bamboozled by Chicken Little politicians who claim the sky is falling, who claim only they have the solution. Don't vote for those who'd squander billions of dollars to protect plants and animals the Almighty already cares for.
- Phil Robertson wrote:
- In The Theft of America's Soul, I wrote about the miracle of life on this planet, how it's continued on and on over thousands of years.
- Phil Robertson wrote:
- So as you're considering which political candidates to vote for and which policies to support, ask yourself whether they're aligned with the family values of the King. Does the candidate believe in the biblical view of marriage?"
15 pages later:
- Phil Robertson wrote:
- ...I found myself smack in the middle of New York City on what someone called a publicity tour. My wife had traveled along (boys, don't leave home without your Bible and your wife) and so we decided to stay in the best accommodations we could afford. We decided to stay at the Trump International Hotel.
- Phil Robertson wrote:
- Vote for leaders who will promote religious liberty, protect our rights to practice Christianity in every public square
- Phil Robertson wrote:
- [Choose politicians] who will protect your right to teach the younger generation the ways of the Almighty and to discipline them when they step out of line
The rest of his opinions are of similar quality. Jesus help me!
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