Guess Who?

...was "cautioned in 2005 for possession of a swan corpse."

Peter Maxwell Davies.
(thank you, Google)

Odd story, wot?

BBC News wrote:

Sir Peter Maxwell Davies, Master of the Queen's Music, was cautioned over the discovery of the remains of a protected species at his house in Orkney.

He said the bird died after hitting a power line. When police called at his home he offered them swan terrine.

Police would not comment but confirmed that a protected bird has been removed from a property in Sanday.

Northern Constabulary said their enquiries were continuing.

Sir Peter said he did not believe he had done anything wrong but, given his position with the Queen, he was prepared to spend time in the Tower of London.

Swans are protected under UK legislation.

However, in the islands a Norse right called Udal Law is still assumed to hold sway, possibly making swans the property of the people.

Sir Peter, who is a keen environmentalist, said: "These are Whooper swans coming from Iceland and there are hundreds of them. They occasionally go into the electric wires when they're taking off or landing on the lake.

"They fall down dead and I'm afraid some people eat them. You take them home and you hang them for four days and then you take out the breast meat and the good leg meat, you give the rest to the cat and dispose of the rest.

"I'd made a delicious terrine. While I was away in London, the police came to the island on other business - they keep their eyes on us wild people who live in the outer islands.

"They saw the swan hanging up for anybody to see. I came home and the swan had gone."

Sir Peter thought it had been taken by a local male otter.

He told the BBC: "I didn't realise the police had also taken some wings from previous swans which were hanging in the shed. I was going to give them to the school because they use them as Gabriel's wings in the nativity play.

"On Monday morning a police car came whizzing up the lane with a very charming young man and a very beautiful young lady. They didn't accuse me of killing the swan, they accused me of being in possession illegally of a corpse of a protected species.

"I had to give a statement. I offered them coffee and asked them if they would like to try some swan terrine but I think they were rather horrified. That was a mistake, wasn't it?

Guess who...

Was the equestrian who was the origin of the phrase, "how can five mistakes occur in a word of three letters?"

Catherine the Great.

But she wasn't the origin of the joke, she was the inspiration for it.

... Said "Rat's asshole in mayonnaise"?

Marlon Brando, in Last Tango.

Dang, I'm making these too easy.

NoCoPilot wrote:

Dang, I'm making these too easy.

You've heard about Google, right?

According to the internet, the line delivered by Brando was "Rat's asshole with mayonnaise." If you want the line as you typed it, "Rat's asshole in mayonnaise," you must go to the thesis written by Joanna Colangelo (pdf) at the Graduate College of Bowling Green State University.

You want one that's not easy - that is, not found by Google. Here you go.

Who said, in reference to Ben Gazzara, "Old Ben may be a fine actor, but he's not much of a poker player."?

Winston Churchill?

Now, if you eliminate Google you've eviscerated me, you've declawed me, you've taken away my brain.  I can't be expected to compete.

David Mamet?

It was my father who said that.

Gazzara was in town making a movie and went out one night to find a poker game. Unfortunately for him, he found one. Mu dad said it was a "good payday" for him. Not so for Old Ben.

It's not nice to play tricks on your old Uncle Bob.

Can't. My old uncle Bob is dead. Besides that, his name was actually Lambert. Understandable that he decided to go by Bob.