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 Just a Joke

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_Howard
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PostSubject: Just a Joke   Sun Nov 03, 2013 2:51 pm

CROW KILLS

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from avian flu.

A bird pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT avian flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an ornithological behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The ornithological behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah!!", not a single one could shout "Truck."

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PostSubject: Power Outage   Sat Sep 20, 2014 4:45 pm

We had a power outage at my house this morning, and my PC, laptop, TV, DVD,  iPad, & new surround sound system were all shut down.



Then I discovered that my iPhone battery was out of juice and, to top it  off, it was raining outside, so I couldn't play golf.



I went into the kitchen to make coffee, and then I remembered that this also  needs power.  So I sat and talked with my wife for a few hours.




She seems like a nice person.
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PostSubject: Re: Just a Joke   Sat Sep 20, 2014 4:50 pm

Last week, I got a new motorcycle for my wife.

Seemed like a fair trade.
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PostSubject: Re: Just a Joke   Sat Sep 20, 2014 4:51 pm

As an old biker, I must correct you.

The punch line is, "I'm going to miss that woman."
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PostSubject: Re: Just a Joke   Sun Sep 21, 2014 5:40 am

Last weekend, at the football game, I saw an elderly gentleman sitting right on the 50-yard line with three empty seats around him. Curious, at halftime I went over to him and asked, "You have such marvelous seats here, why are three of them empty on game day?"

"I've had these seats for 25 years," he replied, "My wife and son and daughter-in-law never missed a game. Unfortunately my Elinor passed away recently."

"So your son & his wife couldn't stand the ritual without her?" I asked.

"Nah," he said, "they're at the funeral today."
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PostSubject: Re: Just a Joke   Tue Sep 30, 2014 8:57 pm

"A professor gives his psychology class a spot quiz. One question he asks is, "What part of the human anatomy may expand up to ten times under certain circumstances?" He picks a rather overdressed girl in the front row to answer it. "Miss Callahan!" The indicated girl, who heard the question, stammers with some embarrassment: "Professor, I'd rather not answer that question." The professor says, "That's all right, Miss Callahan, you don't need to answer it. Is there anyone present who can answer it?" He notes an interested face in the back of the classroom. "Mr. Hawkins!" Hawkins says, "Yes, Professor, it is the pupil of the eye that may expand to ten times." The professor says, "That is correct, Mr. Hawkins." Then he turns to Miss Callahan. He says, "Young lady, two things are obvious from your reaction to this question. One, you haven't studied this week's assignment; and Two, I'm afraid marriage is going to be a tremendous disappointment to you."
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