We all speak Brabantic

... or at least, a derivative of it.

People are amazing.

Johannes Goropius Becanus

Unconvinced.

Wikipedia wrote:

Linguistic theories
Goropius theorized that Antwerpian Brabantic, spoken in the region between the Scheldt and Meuse Rivers, was the original language spoken in Paradise. Goropius believed that the most ancient language on Earth would be the simplest language, and that the simplest language would contain mostly short words. Since Brabantic has a higher number of short words than do Latin, Greek, and Hebrew, Goropius reasoned that it was the older language.

A corollary of this theory was that all languages derived ultimately from Brabantic. The Latin word for “oak,” quercus, Goropius derived from werd-cou (“keeps out cold”); the Hebrew name “Noah” he derived from nood (“need”). Goropius also believed that Adam and Eve were Brabantic names (from Hath-Dam, or “dam against hate"; and Eu-Vat, “barrel from which people originated,” or from Eet-Vat, “oath-barrel,” respectively). Another corollary involved locating the Garden of Eden itself in the Brabant region. In the book known as Hieroglyphica, Goropius also proved to his own satisfaction that Egyptian hieroglyphics represented Brabantic.

Of course it's all bullshit. I meant, it's amazing what people will come up with.