Movies: DNF

Have tried several movies on Netflix recently that I could not finish.

• Melancholia - fuck knows what it's about.  Supposedly the deteriorating relationship between two sisters while another planet is about to collide with Earth(?).  It's glacially slow, the part I watched was Kirsten Dunst's wedding and she decides to take a bath upstairs during her reception while all the guests downstairs are waiting for her to come down and cut the cake.  Yeah, it's all like that.
  
• The Virgin Suicides -- always heard about Sofia Coppola's debut film, about five teenage sisters and the suicide of one of them (maybe more).  I couldn't get through the first half hour -- the actresses were walking through their scenes seemingly oblivious to everything around them.  It was nonsensical, uninvolving, flat, amateurish and boring.
  
• Danland -- a documentary about a schlub who makes pornography.  Who thought pornography could be boring?  Fake tits, fake orgasms, too much makeup, no passion, Dan the producer is just a boring mouth-breather.  Dunno what I was hoping for but it wasn't this.
  
• Free The Nipple -- a fictionalized story (I guess?) about four girls in NYC who decide to promote public toplessness.  But every time they go out topless in public their breasts are pixelated out.  Oh the irony.
  
• Burt's Buzz -- about the guy who founded Burt's Bees, the honey-based cosmetics company.  He's a peculiarly low-key guy, lives in a one-room cabin without water or electricity.  His former girlfriend turned his honey business into a multi-million dollar industry, then bought Burt out for a small sum, then sold the company for $900 million.  Burt doesn't care.  He acts like a chronic stoner: no ambition, no cares, no needs or wants.  He's intelligent, but seemingly stoned all the time.  But apparently doesn't smoke or drink or do drugs.
  
• Tiny -- about the tiny house movement, where people are building sub-500sf houses to avoid mortgages.  Follows the progress of one guy who decides to build a "house" on a flatbed trailer about the size of a car carrier.  After the basic premise is out there, what else is there to say?  Not much.
  
• Side By Side -- Keaunu Reeves (Ooooh!) interviews a bunch of directors and cinematographers about film versus digital versus video.  Some interesting examples, a lot of technical talk about cameras and lux and dynamic range, but in the end the technology is just a means to get to a story.  This one didn't have one.
  
• Deceptive Practice -- docu about Ricky Jay, the card magician.  He is, by all accounts, not a very nice man.  Following him around, hearing him talk about the history of magic, watching him perform some tricks.  Alright, it wasn't terrible, but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone either.
  
• Ida -- supposedly a story about some nuns during WWII I think.  Something about it turned me off in the first five minutes and I can't even remember what it was.
  
• Tricked -- another documentary about teenaged girls lured into prostitution.  It was sensationalistic, moralistic, tut-tutting and looked like a 60 Minutes episode.  I bailed after about the third ride-along with a vice cop.
  

I can kind of believe that Ricky Jay isn't so nice. I've seen him in some straight acting roles, and the characters weren't exactly attractive (I know, I shouldn't pay attention to stuff like that, because maybe he's just good at acting). But I have to say that some of his magic is unbelievably good. I've never seen anybody as good as him at throwing cards. I mean, playing cards. I saw him do a fairly standard sort of card trick, and at the end, he's standing at the edge of the stage holding a card that isn't the expected one. He threw this card spinning out over the audience, and it did a horizontal loop back to his hand, like a boomerang. To me, that's pretty unbelievable, right there. And of course, when he caught the card, it had changed into the card he wanted. Say what?

More DNFs:

• Sexy Baby: Documentary about three women and the hypersexualized society we live in. One is a 12-year old girl wise beyond her years, one is a 22-year old near-virgin who gets a labiaplasty, and I forget what the third was.
  
• Trainspotting: Seen the title, never seen the movie. After eight minutes of scenes of junkies shooting up I bailed.
  
• Copenhagen: About two guys hitch hiking through Europe or something, one of them was such a total dickwad I couldn't make myself watch.

More DNFs:

• Keith Richards: Under The Influence - Follows Keith around for a few days while he visits some recording studios, talks to some friends, and describes how important the blues was to him.  He ends every statement with a laugh, his teeth are capped, he smokes in every scene, and we all know the Stones started out imitating Chuck Berry and Muddy Waters.  Surprisingly stultifying.
  
  
• Just About Famous - About a convention in Las Vegas (where else) for celebrity impersonators -- most of whom look and sound NOTHING like their celebrity.  Horrifying.